Things must be getting serious on The Bachelorette because we’ve fast-forwarded past dating phase and headed straight to domesticity. With all the furniture assembly, seed planting and cake cooking on show this episode, you’d swear we were watching Better Homeboys and Gardeners rather than Sophie’s Love Shack.
“So, which one of you is the biggest plonker,” Osher asks the 12 remaining suitors as he launches the first ever edition of The Real Man Games.
Oh wait, he said planker? Easy mistake to make.
This is the first of four rounds, and only eight of the 12 will go through to round two. They have to lie in the rain beside the pool, propped on their elbows, in that silly pose that was all the rage with the kids a few years ago. The first four to give up will be sent inside, which sounds more like reward than punishment.
“If you get out early don’t worry it just means you’re a bit of a girl,” says Sophie, who clearly is a bit old-school when it comes to gender roles.
Sam is first to go. Brett, Apollo and Bingham soon follow, and get to spend the rest of the day drinking beer and laughing at the others. Winning.
New season of The Biggest Plonker, er, Planker. Photo: Ten
Round two is changing a tyre. It’s a relay, two teams of four. Blake leads the tall guys – Jarrod, Luke, Hayden – and Mack leads the “less-tall” guys, Harry, James and Ryan.
“When you’re done put your hand up so I can check your nuts,” Osher says. Fnarr fnarr.
When it comes to changing tyres, the big guys are the pits. By the time Jarrod gets on the tools, it’s all over. But not for him.
Fast and the Furious: Jarrod gets jacked of coming last. Photo: Ten
“He’s like Robocop,” someone says as he ignores Osher’s pleas to stop so everyone can get inside out of the friggin’ cold.
“I definitely saw steam coming from his back,” says Blake. “He was freaking everyone out.”
Poor Jarrod. He’s just putting into practice all his years of military training. It’s a skill set that could come in extremely useful if he and Sophie ever get a flat while on a Sunday drive through Currumbin. He’d just dodge all those parakeets like they were so much Taliban gunfire.
Next is flatpack wardrobe assembly, a challenge that has felled many a man in the real world (and ended many a relationship, too).
James and Mack form the older…