Anyone who looks a little — or a lot — different from their parents is used to being asked nosy questions: Whose kid are you? Where did you come from? Where do you belong?
Those questions can be even more pervasive when you don’t look like anyone in your community.
So is there anything parents can do to protect their kiddos (and themselves) from those grating interactions? This week, we’re exploring these questions on Ask Code Switch — and in the podcast.
Noelle,* from Roanoke, Va., asks:
My husband and I are white and we have one biological child (a baby) who shares many of our physical features. We also have a 4-year-old daughter, whom we adopted, who is black. I am trying to surround our daughter with a multiracial community so she is less this one black person in a sea of white. That is a struggle in a city that is still pretty segregated, but my particular question is this: Where should we go to church? We visited churches for a year when we moved to town, trying to find one that was racially and ethnically diverse, among a couple of other parameters we had. In the end, we settled on a congregation that is almost exclusively white, but it’s very uncomfortable to me to be raising my daughter in a church where we can identify ourselves as, “We’re that couple with the black daughter.” Should we go to a predominantly black church, even though it’s not in our comfort zone as far as worship style? Would that be pretending to be something we’re not as a family? Would we even be welcome there, or would we be intruding on a precious time for people of color to be in a safe space? Are there ways leaders of our church could make our congregation more welcoming to people of color? Half the time I’m tempted to just start my own congregation, because I can’t seem to find one that looks like my family, much less like the diverse world we live in.
Here’s our answer:
When we first read your question, a couple of people on the team thought of that famous quotation from Martin Luther King Jr.: “It is one of the tragedies of our nation, one of the shameful tragedies, that 11 o’clock on Sunday morning is one of the most segregated hours, if not the most segregated hour, in Christian America.”
It sounds like 50 years later, you’re seeing a pretty similar landscape. Even in large, diverse cities, congregations are often racially homogeneous. Short of driving three hours to…